I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
