Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
