u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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