dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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