somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
