I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
