don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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