After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
