There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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