VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
