Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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