just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
