I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
