You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry about my life...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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