Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize