UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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