You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My feet surprised me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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