How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
