I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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