dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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