I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
