i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
