Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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