There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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