I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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