when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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