a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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