Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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