sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
