Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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