whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
