My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
