dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
