I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
as a side note pls kill me
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