I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
