fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My life is pants optional.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
