is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As shirtless as possible
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
