Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
