I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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