dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
