Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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