Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
