I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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