There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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