I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I pour the whiskey from now on
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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