That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
