if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
