No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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