I wish I could teleport
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize