i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
