I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
