Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
