The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
