After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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