I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
