I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
