can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
