I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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