Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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