he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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