Yo dont text me then not text me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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