There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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