is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i have two assholes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
