Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
