At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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