11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
