he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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