You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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