I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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