There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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