Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
